Once i heard a wise man of God say, "only God can squezze a curse into a blessing." I love that quote because it is so true with my life. From birth untill now, it rings true daily in my life. I was born while my mum was still in school. My mum is an amazing woman trust me, and I wanna be like her to my children, she is so strong and she loves me to death. The world views a child born out of wedlock as an accident, to my parents I was a reminder of a mistake. A past they would love to forget, maybe if not for me they couldn't have been where they are now and for most of my growing up in my family, I felt this weigh me down. I had to prove myself to being the best, I had to fight for approval and appreciation and attention. Show me a child who doesn't want this. My mother, wanted to protect me from repeating the same mistakes she did but the methods she used left me broken more, it's only God who can teach a woman to be a mother. On the other hand, I was a trophy child to my dad, I had to constantly do well in everything so that he shows me off. I never reached his expectations most of the times because I am not perfect, I am human. My imperfections would drive him crazy enough to do anything or say anything that would push me more. My life was pressured.
I searched for love and fulfilment from wherever I could. I thought everyone was better than me and all the times, everyday my life was lived to prove the point that I can be more. I will be the child my parents would love, I will do well in school, I will make them proud, I will not mess up. The truth is a child should be a child. Discipline them alright, but set them free. Give them space to make their own mistakes, somebody said we learn through mistakes. As i grew, it never got easy because I became more sensitive to my surrounding. I knew my family was not like all other families, there was something wrong with mine, and I started asking God why He had chosen to place me there.
I guess because God has set eternity in our hearts, I knew there was something greater God had created me for. I longed for the perfect life and when I heard about heaven and hell, I knew I wanted heaven, I have had a taste of hell, in my earthly life anyway. God just has a way of working in our hearts because growing up I had every reason to go out and search for fulfilment else where but He protected me. My family had affected my way of reasoning , I had experienced unhealthy situations as a kid, I acted strong outside but was hopeless inside.
When I heard the gospel, I knew the time had come for me to stop living my life to please people. The moment I met Jesus, my life literary took a turn. The definition of my life changed, I suddenly had a reason for living. When God has your heart, He has it all. He built my self esteem, He told me, " Iam fearfully and wonderfully made". He reminds me every morning that I am beautiful but my outside beauty is less charming than my inside, because my outside will fade but my inside will live forever. Yes I mess up but nothing i do, could ever make Him love me less. My family is still at it, but am hopeful, God will restore it in His own perfect time. My mum is still the best, she rocks my world and she just got to know Christ and it doesn't get better than that. My dad, I haven't said alot about my dad, I know, I hate focusing on negatives thats why. I love and respect Him because He is my father, but I will surely say more when I get deep with this. Ofcourse the other reason is that this is about me and not about the rest of my family.
My point is, when I was born and I had destroyed the plans my mum and dad had for their future, I surely was a curse, but if you look at me now, am a blessing to my family. I love where God is taking me, and the work He is doing in my life. Living a life to glorify God is fulfilling than fighting to be accepted by people, family or friends. He loves us for who He is and not what we are, His love is so true and scandalous free. He gives His love to everyone and its up to you to choose it or deny it. He accepts you the way you are, it doesn't matter where you are coming from, family, location, background, race, tribe, religious beliefs or whatever you might think of . I am not less than , I am more than. Another wise man of God told me that, "you either choose to transmit your pain or transform your pain". I got my calling from my situations, my pain and I know God has something for you from the situation you are in. He placed you where you are for a reason. You have probably heard this for a long time, maybe it is now time you believed it and asked God to reveal the purpose He has for you. There is hope and there is a future. God is found everywhere, even in the brokenness of the world.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
AT THE AIRPORT(WASHNGTON DULLES)
God places people at the right place and at the right time. I am a living witness to this. God wants you to be where you are, for you or for someone you don't know or do know. Just ask God to reveal to you why you are there or surrender yourself to Him to use you as He wills. This is my longest blog and i might never have one as long as this one ever, mark the word MIGHT.
Well, let me get to my story, we got to Washington Dulles, so late, just in time for our connecting plane to Philladelphia,. I already told you about how I barely knew where I was going in Addis Ababa, but when I got to Washington, I am positive I did not know anything that was going on, that place is huge. We had to run all the way, because apparently we were late for the plane, and then we didn't have time to check in our luggage, the one that you check for all the way, some how it got dumped at Washington and we had to check it in again but we didn't have time and they told us to make it carry on luggage. Without time to argue, we were made to throw away every liquid thing we had like lotion and everything they thought was heavy or not supposed to be on the plane with people. We protested but who argues with immigratiion people,?(a lesson I learnt) with fear of being deported, we gave in and they threw away our possesssions, and in my heart I was going, I just spent alot of money on this in Malawi, but yeah. I remember some lady was checking us in, she called someone and told him to help us, she couldn't do it anymore, it was stuff about our accents or whatever but I know she was making fun of us. I felt heat rising up my veins but I had to be humble and polite and I knew I had left Malawi
We were rushed through and we were told to go upstairs. Guys, go upstairs is not as easy as it sounds, when you are going up and down elevators and escalators. I felt like I was going down all the time but people said it was up, technology hey, and I felt silly. We kept asking and we met people who never said anything and but others did, thank God. I remember at some point we got stranded and this other man just came to us, asking us where we were going and we said upstairs., hahaha, he looked at our boarding passes and he said we had to take a train, I mean seriously, how does someone take a train inside an airport. We did, a train that i never saw it's driver, and this man left us in the hands of some lady who took us upstairs to the spot we were supposed to be. Upon getting there, we found that our plane was delayed. I was so tired, for some reason, I failed to sleep throughout the way in the plane, and i was so looking forward to my last plane ride of the day and it was night. However the plane was delayed. I was so overwhelmed, the technology this side was awesome like toilets that flashed themselves and trains that drove themselves. I was mad, we had thrown our stuff and the plane was delayed. I was tired of running up and about in the airport i just needed rest, when we were told the plane was delayed again and then cancelled, I was at the verge of my breaking point.
We had no contacts whatsoever with who was gonna pick us up when we got to Philladelphia, no internet, no nothing. I was having a headache and was now dead tired. we were told to rebook our flights and we ran to the line and I promise you, I was sleeping while standing in the line. The guys (Oscar and Tio)were like, go sit down and we will rebook the ticket for you. In my heart I was like thanks you guys but I barely made sense.I had barely sat down when I started snoring (am just kidding, i don't snore). Yes, I slept like a baby, on a chair in the airport. Something woke me up or maybe I was just restless, how does one sleep in such a busy place., but like 5 seats away from me, sat a lady. I wanted to know the time and I asked her and she told me. The guys were still on the line which seemed like it wasn't moving at all because people kept arguing with the airlines people about not refunding or giving us a hotel or food or whatever. I asked the lady again if she was going to Philly like the rest of us and she said yes.
She later asked me to sit next to her and started asking me questions. She grew more interested and sad at the same time for what I had to pass through on my first trip outside Malawi and away from my family. She then told me she would help till she saw we were safe because if her daughter was stuck somewhere, she would want someone to help her out. I was moved by this womans passion trust me. We were supposed to sleep at the airport and stay there the whole morning the other day because the other planes were fully booked or go to Ronald Reagan Airport sleep there and leave early the next morning. We chose Reagan, we never knew how to reach their, but this woman and her husband took us there, gave us food, left us with their contacts and left. I was so thankful and will forever be grateful. If God has never provided for you, you would think this was coincidence as for me, I know it was God at work. These people could have chosen to ignore us, we are Africans anyway, they could have chosen not to trust us, but they took us in their car and gave us their food., WOW!
We moved up and down at Reagan, everyone we needed had stopped working apart from the security guards and Dunkin Donuts. It was after 10 in the evining, tired, we had a little money we bought donuts and hot chocolate, somehow, we got boarding passes though poeple were like, 'come in the morning' they could later help us. I saw God, trust me when I say this, I saw God soften peoples hearts. He did it for me, He can do it for you. At around 1, we took turns sleeping, because someone had to look after the luggage they had not thrown away. The next morning at around 5, we refreshened ourselves in the airport bathrooms and went to board our plane to Philadelphia. By this time, I was failing to think straight, everything felt like i was in a dream, I was hardly alive. My body, and soul were so tired, it was the Lords Spirit that kept me alive. We landed in Philadelphia, with nobody to pick us up and i was even more stressed, Oscar went running around searching for the information we needed and we got people again who gave us their phones and access to the net untill we found someone to come pick us up. Tionge stayed by me, watching me. These guys were wonderful. I was so bored, i sat down dozing , i went in and out of the airport thinking am forgotten, when suddenly I heard a lady behind me say,"i think you are the Urban Promise interns, my name is Margaret, I have come to pick you up". Those were like the best words I had heard in , i think forever, I looked up, she was all smiles, i smiled back and thats when internship began.
Well, let me get to my story, we got to Washington Dulles, so late, just in time for our connecting plane to Philladelphia,. I already told you about how I barely knew where I was going in Addis Ababa, but when I got to Washington, I am positive I did not know anything that was going on, that place is huge. We had to run all the way, because apparently we were late for the plane, and then we didn't have time to check in our luggage, the one that you check for all the way, some how it got dumped at Washington and we had to check it in again but we didn't have time and they told us to make it carry on luggage. Without time to argue, we were made to throw away every liquid thing we had like lotion and everything they thought was heavy or not supposed to be on the plane with people. We protested but who argues with immigratiion people,?(a lesson I learnt) with fear of being deported, we gave in and they threw away our possesssions, and in my heart I was going, I just spent alot of money on this in Malawi, but yeah. I remember some lady was checking us in, she called someone and told him to help us, she couldn't do it anymore, it was stuff about our accents or whatever but I know she was making fun of us. I felt heat rising up my veins but I had to be humble and polite and I knew I had left Malawi
We were rushed through and we were told to go upstairs. Guys, go upstairs is not as easy as it sounds, when you are going up and down elevators and escalators. I felt like I was going down all the time but people said it was up, technology hey, and I felt silly. We kept asking and we met people who never said anything and but others did, thank God. I remember at some point we got stranded and this other man just came to us, asking us where we were going and we said upstairs., hahaha, he looked at our boarding passes and he said we had to take a train, I mean seriously, how does someone take a train inside an airport. We did, a train that i never saw it's driver, and this man left us in the hands of some lady who took us upstairs to the spot we were supposed to be. Upon getting there, we found that our plane was delayed. I was so tired, for some reason, I failed to sleep throughout the way in the plane, and i was so looking forward to my last plane ride of the day and it was night. However the plane was delayed. I was so overwhelmed, the technology this side was awesome like toilets that flashed themselves and trains that drove themselves. I was mad, we had thrown our stuff and the plane was delayed. I was tired of running up and about in the airport i just needed rest, when we were told the plane was delayed again and then cancelled, I was at the verge of my breaking point.
We had no contacts whatsoever with who was gonna pick us up when we got to Philladelphia, no internet, no nothing. I was having a headache and was now dead tired. we were told to rebook our flights and we ran to the line and I promise you, I was sleeping while standing in the line. The guys (Oscar and Tio)were like, go sit down and we will rebook the ticket for you. In my heart I was like thanks you guys but I barely made sense.I had barely sat down when I started snoring (am just kidding, i don't snore). Yes, I slept like a baby, on a chair in the airport. Something woke me up or maybe I was just restless, how does one sleep in such a busy place., but like 5 seats away from me, sat a lady. I wanted to know the time and I asked her and she told me. The guys were still on the line which seemed like it wasn't moving at all because people kept arguing with the airlines people about not refunding or giving us a hotel or food or whatever. I asked the lady again if she was going to Philly like the rest of us and she said yes.
She later asked me to sit next to her and started asking me questions. She grew more interested and sad at the same time for what I had to pass through on my first trip outside Malawi and away from my family. She then told me she would help till she saw we were safe because if her daughter was stuck somewhere, she would want someone to help her out. I was moved by this womans passion trust me. We were supposed to sleep at the airport and stay there the whole morning the other day because the other planes were fully booked or go to Ronald Reagan Airport sleep there and leave early the next morning. We chose Reagan, we never knew how to reach their, but this woman and her husband took us there, gave us food, left us with their contacts and left. I was so thankful and will forever be grateful. If God has never provided for you, you would think this was coincidence as for me, I know it was God at work. These people could have chosen to ignore us, we are Africans anyway, they could have chosen not to trust us, but they took us in their car and gave us their food., WOW!
We moved up and down at Reagan, everyone we needed had stopped working apart from the security guards and Dunkin Donuts. It was after 10 in the evining, tired, we had a little money we bought donuts and hot chocolate, somehow, we got boarding passes though poeple were like, 'come in the morning' they could later help us. I saw God, trust me when I say this, I saw God soften peoples hearts. He did it for me, He can do it for you. At around 1, we took turns sleeping, because someone had to look after the luggage they had not thrown away. The next morning at around 5, we refreshened ourselves in the airport bathrooms and went to board our plane to Philadelphia. By this time, I was failing to think straight, everything felt like i was in a dream, I was hardly alive. My body, and soul were so tired, it was the Lords Spirit that kept me alive. We landed in Philadelphia, with nobody to pick us up and i was even more stressed, Oscar went running around searching for the information we needed and we got people again who gave us their phones and access to the net untill we found someone to come pick us up. Tionge stayed by me, watching me. These guys were wonderful. I was so bored, i sat down dozing , i went in and out of the airport thinking am forgotten, when suddenly I heard a lady behind me say,"i think you are the Urban Promise interns, my name is Margaret, I have come to pick you up". Those were like the best words I had heard in , i think forever, I looked up, she was all smiles, i smiled back and thats when internship began.
Friday, October 5, 2012
THE DAY IT ALL STARTED
3rd, 4th, 5th September, 2012.
I said bye to my family and friends in Malawi. Deep down my heart I was scared but I couldn't let my face show so, I kept smiling, all through the airport, hugs and kisses and byes and then the plane. Whoa! it was my first plane ride and it was a 32 hours 19 minutes trip so yeah, "U go girl". It all started to go wrong., my plane was delayed and I knew, the schedule was already going wrong. From Malawi, we were supposed to land in Addis Ababa, i know I just started using we, it is Oscar, Tionge and Me, we were on this trip together. Those 2 are boys, well maybe men, and I was/am the lady. Back to the story, so yeah, apparently when we got to Ethiopia we could not land due to bad weather so we had to stay in the air. I was like what? Already, i barely understand how something so big as an aeroplane can fly in the air and never get lost or crash, or something and now i have to just stay in the air??? I did though, but after some hours of moving around in circles, they decided to land us in Djibouti. if you haven't figured this out, i will help, that was a second delay and this messed up our schedule even more.
We landed in Djibouti at 10:10PM and started off for Addis again at 2:15Am, imagine that. stuck in a plane, with people from all over the world, others would say they feel hot the same time others were saying they feel cold and the plane crew had to make this a conducive environment for everyone. There was no food, no drinks left and you could barely sleep, it was chaotic. I survived. The shaking, the taking off, and the landing of the plane were my weakest points. I never got sick though, I just squeezed the guy next to me, I won't tell who, am embarrassed ,lol. i kept praying for Gods breakthrough, in this terrible weather condition and when we finally landed in Addis I was like Yippee, He heard me. even though Malawi National soccer team, beats Djibouti almost all the time, our national airport is pathetic when compared to Djibouti's and i viewed Djibouti's through the planes window.
At Addis Ababa, finally, we had to run all the way through checkpoints and staff because we got delayed big time. This airport was big, i barely knew where I was going half the time. i kept following my guys, who were following some guys, how does that sound? Eventually we went aboard the BIGGER plane, at that moment i was like "oh my goodness! i love my life". i sat down, and practically touched and used everything next to me. It didn't matter whether I knew the use or not but I trusted they couldn't put something in my seat or by my seat that would kill me, great faith in Ethiopian Airways hey. At this point i was missing my family, this is my real family, the one am a part of and my other family, the one that is going to be my own family, which i will make others a part of and my friends. I so much wanted to share these moments with them.
We landed in Rome and the weather that side wasn't good so we couldn't start off, that was being delayed again. I was so hungry at some point, my ears could go numb, all these people with babies reminded me of Leroy, my 6 months old boyfriend and I missed home even more. The more it rained , the more the aircraft shook and the more i hated it. After, I have forgotten how many hours of flying, we landed in Washington Dulles and this is where the Journey begins. Stay with me:)
I said bye to my family and friends in Malawi. Deep down my heart I was scared but I couldn't let my face show so, I kept smiling, all through the airport, hugs and kisses and byes and then the plane. Whoa! it was my first plane ride and it was a 32 hours 19 minutes trip so yeah, "U go girl". It all started to go wrong., my plane was delayed and I knew, the schedule was already going wrong. From Malawi, we were supposed to land in Addis Ababa, i know I just started using we, it is Oscar, Tionge and Me, we were on this trip together. Those 2 are boys, well maybe men, and I was/am the lady. Back to the story, so yeah, apparently when we got to Ethiopia we could not land due to bad weather so we had to stay in the air. I was like what? Already, i barely understand how something so big as an aeroplane can fly in the air and never get lost or crash, or something and now i have to just stay in the air??? I did though, but after some hours of moving around in circles, they decided to land us in Djibouti. if you haven't figured this out, i will help, that was a second delay and this messed up our schedule even more.
We landed in Djibouti at 10:10PM and started off for Addis again at 2:15Am, imagine that. stuck in a plane, with people from all over the world, others would say they feel hot the same time others were saying they feel cold and the plane crew had to make this a conducive environment for everyone. There was no food, no drinks left and you could barely sleep, it was chaotic. I survived. The shaking, the taking off, and the landing of the plane were my weakest points. I never got sick though, I just squeezed the guy next to me, I won't tell who, am embarrassed ,lol. i kept praying for Gods breakthrough, in this terrible weather condition and when we finally landed in Addis I was like Yippee, He heard me. even though Malawi National soccer team, beats Djibouti almost all the time, our national airport is pathetic when compared to Djibouti's and i viewed Djibouti's through the planes window.
At Addis Ababa, finally, we had to run all the way through checkpoints and staff because we got delayed big time. This airport was big, i barely knew where I was going half the time. i kept following my guys, who were following some guys, how does that sound? Eventually we went aboard the BIGGER plane, at that moment i was like "oh my goodness! i love my life". i sat down, and practically touched and used everything next to me. It didn't matter whether I knew the use or not but I trusted they couldn't put something in my seat or by my seat that would kill me, great faith in Ethiopian Airways hey. At this point i was missing my family, this is my real family, the one am a part of and my other family, the one that is going to be my own family, which i will make others a part of and my friends. I so much wanted to share these moments with them.
We landed in Rome and the weather that side wasn't good so we couldn't start off, that was being delayed again. I was so hungry at some point, my ears could go numb, all these people with babies reminded me of Leroy, my 6 months old boyfriend and I missed home even more. The more it rained , the more the aircraft shook and the more i hated it. After, I have forgotten how many hours of flying, we landed in Washington Dulles and this is where the Journey begins. Stay with me:)
Thursday, October 4, 2012
About Me
My name is Vanessa Mwangala. I gave myself the name Melody and my dads First name is Steve, so i call myself Melody Stevens for fun most times. I am the first born in a family of 2, well maybe 3 but that's a story for some other day if you keep following me. I am Malawian, born and raised in Malawi by Malawian parents and i speak English and Chichewa( a predominant Malawian local language). I am a Christian, you might forget everything i might say but live with that, am a Christian. The kind that believes in Jesus Christ as the only way to God the father, and Jesus as the truth, light and life. I am a Jesus freak, one who thinks without Jesus, life is meaningless. yes, I am that one. I have all my hope and faith in Him because he has never disappointed me and i know He will never do.
My Childhood,
I wanted all the appreciation i could get from my family and i never got it. I yearned for the peace families give, and i never got it. I craved for recognition, parents ought to give and i never got it. So, i became wild at heart, searching for all this from wherever and whoever, but i got broken more than healed because I never found. Trust me, rejection hurts, but rejection hurts most when most influential people in your life are rejecting you. A little "congratulations!" after passing an exam, or "don't worry , accidents do happen after breaking a mug" are all i ever needed to make me realize am normal and worthy. Thinking you are the worst thing that ever happened to your family never helps either.
MY College years,
So, i graduated from College this June,2012, pretty quick i know but it had to be this way. This is where i got to know that, the world would never give me the satisfaction and completion I needed but someone or something could. i realized there is a hole in everybody's heart which family ought to fill in, and when it doesn't, everybody goes on a search for what will, and others search in drug and alcohol abuse, others search in girl/boy relationships, others search in money and well all sorts of other immoralities you might think of. but, these break us more, when the consequences of drugs start showing, everybody can easily see how vulnerable we are, when boy/girl relationships fail, we are even more vulnerable, when we can't get money, our vulnerability is so clear, so see, what am talking about? the world just can't fill us up and complete us.
I know what can fill us, and it is a person, no, it is God, i should say He is fully Human and fully God, read John 1. He is the reason I am found here, in Camden, today and He is who defines my life. this blog is simply to share, how Gods grace has been at work in my life, since the day i departed from Malawi and landed in America. stay with me:)
My Childhood,
I wanted all the appreciation i could get from my family and i never got it. I yearned for the peace families give, and i never got it. I craved for recognition, parents ought to give and i never got it. So, i became wild at heart, searching for all this from wherever and whoever, but i got broken more than healed because I never found. Trust me, rejection hurts, but rejection hurts most when most influential people in your life are rejecting you. A little "congratulations!" after passing an exam, or "don't worry , accidents do happen after breaking a mug" are all i ever needed to make me realize am normal and worthy. Thinking you are the worst thing that ever happened to your family never helps either.
MY College years,
So, i graduated from College this June,2012, pretty quick i know but it had to be this way. This is where i got to know that, the world would never give me the satisfaction and completion I needed but someone or something could. i realized there is a hole in everybody's heart which family ought to fill in, and when it doesn't, everybody goes on a search for what will, and others search in drug and alcohol abuse, others search in girl/boy relationships, others search in money and well all sorts of other immoralities you might think of. but, these break us more, when the consequences of drugs start showing, everybody can easily see how vulnerable we are, when boy/girl relationships fail, we are even more vulnerable, when we can't get money, our vulnerability is so clear, so see, what am talking about? the world just can't fill us up and complete us.
I know what can fill us, and it is a person, no, it is God, i should say He is fully Human and fully God, read John 1. He is the reason I am found here, in Camden, today and He is who defines my life. this blog is simply to share, how Gods grace has been at work in my life, since the day i departed from Malawi and landed in America. stay with me:)
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