WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?

A  glimpse of the stories of the girls I work with daily.

WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?

It’s eternity now, since it started,

Am close to growing immune now,

Doesn’t even catch me by surprise now,

And of course, not worth explaining it,

But I’ll do, got to let the cat out of the bag; somebody has got to know it now.

The woman who carried me first didn’t want me,

She called me accidental,

She said I was unplanned,

The man who was supposed to protect me said

“Just get rid of it”

Like a used and worn out cloth-

I was never human to him,

It has not changed even now.

In fear of digging her own grave, she decided to keep me,

With her eyes closed I came out

No sobs, no laughter, no hug, no kiss

From a woman who had carried me for 9 months.

Like a sick chick that would spread the disease to the rest

She said “Take it away”

I‘ve never known her since then

My new mama longed for me like a deer pants for water,

But my papa? Not really

Papa loathed mama too,

That’s why like an unleashed dog he was never home

How I abhorred the sound of his voice,

His footsteps, the smell in his breath.

My strong papa,

Strength I only saw when he hit my mama.

The fighter in me always wanted to fight back,

Fight in defense of my mama,

But was always too small to fight, walk or talk,

I could cry, so I cried. No I wailed,

And mama soothed me and quitened my soul, like a weaned child with its MAMA, she would ask me,

“What is wrong?

With a silent mouth, my mind would go, “mama, can‘t you see am crying for you?

Mama would pack up our bags and leave,

But every time, somebody would send her back,

Leaving was the highlight of my life,

And people, “why send my mama back to the deathly hallows?”

Me and mama,

She toiled hard, wept bad,

Smiled nice, rocked me right,

Held me tight, and promised to never let me go,

Papa was present yet absent, so close but so far away,

It was me and mama,

Mama persevered and I grew.

Midnight, nightmares again,

A hand on me, stinky breath,

Suffocaaaating, open my eyes, “hie daddy”

First time he had come to kiss me goodnight,

The smell, the look, the grasp,

“You are scaring me papa”

“Am not your papa” he hissed, “and don’t dare shout, just let me do what am here for quietly, or you will be thrown into the streets”

Caught my sob, kept it inside,

My finishing line,

“Papa you are hurting me.”

My soul longed for morning like watchmen do,

The pain, the anger, the hatred,

Uncertain of papa’s actions,

Yet no denying it hurt, I bled,

How could papa decide to wrestle with me?

He knew I was as weak as a boneless chicken, He knew it would hurt

He wanted to hurt me same way he hurt mama,

He hated me, just like he hated mama.

“Don’t tell your mother, or anyone, this is our little secret.”

Slammed the door behind him and I heard a

“Did you really just do that James?...sob, sob, sob

You have killed me.”

Thank heavens mama had seen him hurt me

“But mama, why didn’t you stop him?

Why are we still here?

He is hurting both of us mama,

Why are we still here?

I am 14, 7 years it’s been happening and we are still here, why?”

REASONS

Dearest Lord,
The cry of my heart is to follow you for all the right reasons.
Let me crossover to the other side of the river, not only because you fed me when you miraculously multiplied the fish and bread and satisfied my physical hunger,
Nor because you had healed me of my sickness.
Not because i want u to mend my broken relationships,
Nor my suffering school grades or even my jobless state.
Not only because I saw you calm a storm,
nor because am tired, and need rest,
Not even because, i love stories,and your story really piques me
My Lord,
Let me respond to your call, for i know my need for salvation,
and i believe you are my only messiah.
Let me follow you, for the relationship you present me,
a relationship leading to my total healing.
Let me follow you, for i have believed, for me to live is you and to die is gain
Let me follow you for my heart has believed, "i need your kingdom and in seeking it first, all these things shall be added unto me."
I feed on you out of knowing i will never go hungry in this life or the next.
i drink at your well, for i have the assurance that i will never thirst and i will gain life.
Shine your light on me, for i will never experience darkness.
Darling Lord,
Give me your living water so that it becomes a spring of water in me, welling up to eternal life. (John 4:14)

ALL I NEED IS WHO YOU ARE

Am home and this is what I can say about what am experiencing since I got back.

The night has gone, the day creeps in,
It's bright yet darkness clouds my heart,
in sleeping I anticipate peace in my deadly state,
Yet with the coming of morning,
fear and anxiety pound on the doors of my heart.
Doubt smiles at me from a far, yet so close.
He passes a note to me saying,
Are you capable? Can you do it? Will you survive?

I will RUN to you God.,
Even when running to you makes no sense.
But I need healing and You are the Healer.
I crave peace and you are the Prince of Peace.
I desire faith and you are ever faithful.
I seek Wisdom and Oh, the depth of the riches of your wisdom
and knowledge.
I seek Solace and  you provide shelter for the homeless.
All I need is what you are,
This makes me realise that, all i need is you.

The peace of God that transcends understanding has been guarding my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. I have seen God working in me and working through me. Some days are better than others but everday is the best because God has planned it that way. In all my days, my heart cry is All I need is Jesus.

BYE AMERICA: The End of the Beginning

At a place and a time when everything was about me, I saw a brighter path I instantly lusted. More of course to shine so bright that the world notices me. Yeah! in my fight for identity, everything that looked like a path of greatness for me, was gladly taken. Little did I know, I was starting a journey that would change my life forever.

Gladly I left the life I have always known eager to live a life I have always coveted. In my mother tongue we say "ziliko nkulinga utatosako" meaning "to know if there is something put your hand in". After a month or two, I knew this wasn't the life I would love to live. Immediately, I was thankful for a chance to experience it but looking forward to going back home. It took God getting me out of Malawi , to make me appreciate Malawi.

My first lesson was boasting in God. In Malawi, I have always been proud of what I have, because I know I have more than a lot of others but here my more was literary less. I had nothing in comparison to what people own and earn. Yet in my despair God reminded me I had HIM, and like Paul said, it is written: "Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord."  That became my God is enough moment.

Second lesson became dying to myself. Luke 9:23, And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. This has been the hardest one, and like Paul said that he died daily, that became my prayer. I had to die to self so that I love and serve the people around me without grumbling, even those that seemed to be unlovable. I had to die to self to live in peace and harmony with my friends, I had to die to self to pass on the worldly pleasures this place offers day after day that my heart always want to take part in. 

My  third lesson was Surrender. It actually came with dying to self.  Philippians 2:5-8 says "Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." I did not know how much I was still controlling my life until God made me stop and listen. He opened my life to me and I was amazed at the many places in my life I deny God in. It was sad to know I had been lying to myself thinking I had surrendered and it was time for TRUE SURRENDER.

The last lesson I will share was God giving me the ability to look at people through His eyes. They are made in His image, and were created for a purpose. We are Gods plan to make it known to the world that He is good.

At the moment of my surrender, God opened my eyes to what He has set for my life. He entrusted me with a vision that I have always had yet this time I realized  it wasn't me being good that I was so passionate for abused girls, rather, God wanted to reach them through me. He opened my mind to possible ways how, and He gave me the financial, physical, emotional support I needed to start. I have faith God will bring to completion what He has began, I am ready to go to Malawi and start an abused girls project. It will be launched this August and I call it VOICES AWAKE: Equipping Girls For Change. Like my page on Facebook.

Sadly, I say bye to America, and gladly, I say welcome me back Malawi. This is the end of the beginning, its now time for the real deal.

                                           outside the white house
                                 

a letter from one of my favorite kids.

WHO POSSESSES YOU?

I was taking a shower and I was thinking. As I thought, I realised that God really never condemns us and I thought maybe its because He knows who He created us to be, not who we are.  He has actually created each one of us with the ability to transform the world. Not alone, but together, complimenting each other. I thought it's time to know who we really are, what part we ought to take in the transformation of the world, and start living the way God created us. In this world, we are all possessed, either by the Spirit of God, or the devil.

The devil knows the power that's in us, and goodness gracious, he is constantly making us believe we are not   who God created us to be. Scripture clearly tells us that the devil is the father of lies, and all he does, is steal, kill and destroy, and for real thats what he is doing in our lives. Using the people we trust and love, like our families, and friends, he has broken our lives and left us hopeless, with no strength and sense of belief in our capabilities.

One day I woke up, and God told me I look so much better when I smile. It took me back and I remembered the numerous times I was told there is something wrong with my smile by my friends and I stopped smiling. I was insecure, miserable, no pictures, always self cautious when around  friends, not smiling and hurting. I hated me, I hated knowing that my smile messed me up, and I never believed that I was beautiful. Gosh! I can't believe I fell for that but at some point we all do. I smile today, I am always smiling, and It's unbelievable how many people I have connected with this year because I smile. When am done perfoming, speaking , singing people actally come to tell me how I have a contagious smile, how I shine when I smile, and how I seem so much joyful when I smile. My smile means alot to me and the people around me that I don't even wonder why the devil wanted me to stop smiling.

We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus who loved us(Romans 8:37), because He already conquered. We are winners in Jesus Christ because He already won. Stop succumbing to the devils lies because thats what we do when we are torn through rejection , hatred, greed, self-pity, lust.., am saying STOP! stop living the way you were born(in the flesh) and start living the way you were created (bornagain-through believing in Christ thus getting reconciled to God). You were created in the image of God, to live the truth of God and partake in His work of healing the world and reconciling it to Him (2 Corinthians 5:12). 

You are possessed with the Spirit of God that raised Jesus Christ from the dead, and was manifested through the apostles healing, casting out demons, prophesying e.t.c. If you believe God is the same yesterday, today and forever, and that He lives in you, why shouldn't He use you the way He uses others, or was using others or will use others? 

I just want to challenge you today to check out who possesses you and  think highly of yourselves because of He who lives in you, and He who gives you strength to do anything through Him. He who lives in you is greater than of the world. We have the potential to change the world, if we respond and act on what we believe in. We believe in a loving, almighty God , who is crazy about us and He calls us to imitate His son Jesus Christ in our everyday life. Oh yeah! and the Holy Spirit of this mighty God lives in us.

WHAT IS LOVE?

This is a personal definition of love. A clear picture to me when I think of love. The birth, death and resurrection of Christ. When He died that day on the cross, love died and resurrecting on the third day,love resurrected. Now that He lives, love lives. So, fact number 1, True love exists.

He is my definition of love and I'll call Him Love. He was betrayed with a kiss in that garden. Love can be betrayed but love doesn't betray. Love is kind, patient, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, not rude. Even after being despised and rejected by those He came to save.
Love was tried, questioned by people in authority, the authority He had given them and yet love kept silent and didn't throw His sovereignity in the faces of those who oppressed and afflicted Him. Love stayed humble, not using His godly privileges to fight back or show off. He chose to suffer more than any man ever will. Suffering for the same people who spat in His face. Love is not self-seeking, it willingly sacrificed it's life for the salvation of our souls.
It is not easily angered, when it was dragged down, hit, hailed insults at, and nailed on that cross, mocked , love did not get mad. It does not keep a record of wrongs, amidst loves hurts, afflictions and suffering, love cried; "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do". Love had forgiven us, and was calling His father to forgive us. We were forgiven in the act of murdering it.
Love does not rejoice in wrong but rejoices with the truth, it is because we had sinned that love came to redeem us, take us away from the wrong, the darkness, to rejoice with us in the light, the truth, love is true.
Love always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. From the moment love incarnatted, it was tested, betrayed and on the via Dolorosa, the way of suffering, love was hit left, right, centre, 39 lashes, we didn't want to kill Him, just make Him suffer to the dying extent. Yet love didn't budge, for love was protecting us, love was trusting His sacrifice will save us, love was hoping we will choose Him, and love persevered through all the pain, physical, emotional, spiritual. Because love knew, Love never fails and Love Won.

And now these 3 remain, Faith, Hope and love.
FAITH is willingly sacrificing your life for the very same people persecuting you with  HOPE which is expecting that these people will finally get to realise, who you are, what you are doing and expecting they will believe in you and be saved because you love  them and LOVE, is the action. It is all this put in one. It is acting on all you know and believe, all you you have faith in and hope for.That's why the greatest of these is love and love lives in our lives. And love is Jesus, and Jesus is love. I believe in perfect love because He who calls us to it is love Himself and He is perfect. 1 Corinthians 13, Isaiah 53.

"WHATS YOUR STORY?"

And then I said, "However, I look at  where I am coming from and who I turned out to be. I see every moment I was made to believe I am a curse turning into a blessing. I trust God so much and I believe it is only Him who can turn a curse into a blessing.., and that is why I call my story The Blessed Curse, and I know I am blessed to bless others." I saw the audience stand and clap, I have only seen it happen when the best speech is given or an unbelievable music perfomance on Idols or X-factor and I never thought it could happen to me. I write but am not the best writer, I sing in the shower, but there is nothing special about my voice, am not athletic or anything, am just an ordinary being with a strong passion for God and that even makes me awkward in this age when people don't want to be identified as Christians. As i watched these important people cry in the audience when i was sharing and then give me a standing ovation, I experienced different feelings. I was torn between being proud and giving God the glory, knowing before I testified to these people I had told God to use me however way He wanted to.

All this was happening in one of the big churches I have ever been to since I came to America. So, I spent the whole of last week in Florida. I loved the beautiful weather, it felt like Malawi, and I loved the people, they were so hospitable. I loved the fierceness and greatness of Gods creation, I was struck by how rich in nature this state is. It was springbreak aswell, so there were young people from different states, and I have never seen so many young people at one place, doing only God knows what. It was here lying on a beach, talking and letting God talk to me, that it started to make sense.

When I was a kid, I would watch movies and fantasise me being at that place (lie on that beach, sleep in a condo, have a beautiful view of Gods creation, speak in front of people) but then, that voice deep within could tell me to stop dreaming, all I will ever know is Malawi. You know what, I proved that voice wrong, I know more than Malawi. My dream came true, and what I want to say is, don't stop dreaming. Wish, dream, maybe its God putting that desire in you (who knows) after all He knows the plans He has for your life, dream,dream, dream, dreaming never killed anyone,  when your dream comes to pass, you know it wasn't you, it was Gods doing because all you were able to do was dream and He has the power to make it come to pass.

I also remembered bits and details of when I started desiring to share the gospel all over the world. That loud voice told me to just be content with Malawi. I never thought of staying away from Malawi, I just wanted a chance to share God with people all over the world, and thats what I have been doing half this year and plan to do untill I come back home. It has been scary how God was preparing me for a time such as this and I never knew it. God has given me a story and the ability to tell it. Alot of people felt connected to me because of my story, a lot of people saw and felt the love of God through my story. God used the very thing that I hated about me(my lifestory) to bring people to the realisation of who He is. I can go through everything i have gone through in life again, the moments I felt hurt, depressed, condemned, imprisoned, the moments i messed up,  was swallowed by guilt, felt ashamed of myself e.t.c, for all those moments have made me, ME. The Me God is using and the Me who has found freedom and belonging in God. The Me who is comfortable sharing the story of Jesus Christ, humbling himself and coming to earth as human, experiencing everything I experience and even more but not succumbing to worldly pleasures, and then being killed(sacrificing his life) a death that was meant for me, and then resurrected (defeating it all) and offering me eternal life,if I just believe in Him.

One of my favorite Malawian Pastors, Ps. Sean Kampondeni, in 2011 said, "Tell stories that show why Jesus means so much to you, because they are what matter most. And he said, to tell your story, overcome, what you have to hide(the most important thing about us is what the story of Christ is doing to us especially in our most hidden stories), what you have to fear(sometimes telling your story is dangerous for you might destroy your reputation, relationships, but do not fear those who can destroy your body)  and what you have to lose (you disown something when you have something valuable to hold on to. Owning Jesus means disowning something else.

"DON'T YOU TRUST ME?"

Have you ever been in a situation where you are sure certain people love you but they only show up to care in ways that interfere with your life and leave you hurt? They really love you, but they are doing a bad way of showing it, or they don't know you well enough to know how to show it, but whenever they try to help, they hurt you? What am saying might not make sense because thats the way I feel., I feel senseless. I feel hurt by people I love and value right now.

Last friday, I went Ice skating with our 5th-8th grade boys. For some reason a Majority of the boys who came are the ADD kind of ones( the ones who make me want to cry when they show up to class because I can't get them to sit still, keep quiet, focus, work and for some reason, the ones I easily fall inlove with, and pray for daily). We got to the skating ring, every bone in my body was telling me am crazy for even taking off my shoes and putting on the Iceskating ones. The real hussle though, was getting myself from the floor onto the ice. It was like putting me in an ocean, knowing I can't swim, and If you know me, you know if there is a thing that scares me to death is water. Everytime I see a Swimming pool, River, Lake, Sea, Ocean, my mind goes, "I can't swim, if I go in there I will drown, fail to breathe then die, lol". Am not afraid of the dying though, am afraid of the process it will take, haha.

At the skating ring all beginners seemed to be disciplined but this African freaked out and started shouting. I was refusing to be held by my director or fellow interns, I was refusing to skate thats all. These are people I work with and love but I couldn't trust them on the holding me part in the ring. I must have hurt their feelings but they kept going on like, "just try something new Vanessa, You know you can trust us, we believe in you, we will go slow, we won't leave you, just hold on to us, just do this and that., e.t.c" I gave in only because it was Ice not water, holding on to them I skated around , doing good, losing focus, falling , rising up, dragging them to the floor with me, rising up again till I circled the ring and then got out to catch my breath.

Out of the ring,  standing besides me was one of our boys who was going through the same experience I was. He kept going on and on about how he can't skate but he wishes he could, he felt bored and I began assuring him, he could do it, he just had to go in, learn, hold on to the guys, and all the time I thought why couldn't I just do what I was telling him? He gained courage went in, after being helped, following instructions, he started skating on his own and I was still out of the ring telling myself to just ask for help, just follow instructions, just do it. During this time the kid came to me and said,
"hold my hand and we will do it together,"
I thought "oh boy, but you just learned like 10 mins ago, you keep falling  and you are 11. "
I brushed him off but he persisted and said,
 " if you fall , just wake up, see I fall all the time but I stand".
He threw himself down and stood up just to show me. I felt so loved and another kid showed up around the same time telling me the same exact things and they each asked me," Don't you trust me?"

It was on Sunday at church that all this hit home,
First, I have been here telling the kids to just hold my hand, to just trust me, follow my lead but I never once thought the kids were asking me the same thing , to just hold their hand, trust them, love them. I went back to Camp this week, listened to them, run around with them, laugh with them, held them and I have so far had the most wonderful week with them since I came.
Second, Jesus is always saying to me, "Here, hold my hand , you can do it, if you fall just rise up, don't you trust me?
I have been wanting to hear from God in extraordinary ways, when I am blinded to Him speaking to me in the most mundane circumstances like 11 year old kids I work with daily, ice skating, chatting, facebook, doing laundry, sleeping, etc. If we pay attention in our daily activities, we will surely hear and see God, because He is at work in everything even the brokenness of the world(Psalm 139 describes this well). Today as I hurt, I remember my Ice skating trip and the hyperactive 11 years old Jesus used to tell me to just hold his hand, I can do it, if I fall I should rise up, we are in this together., and most importantly ask me the question, DON'T I TRUST HIM?

Oh. and Happy Valentines day :)

THE KIDS AND ME

I want to share a little bit about the kids I work with. I count myself blessed because I have worked with Malawian kids before and now working with American kids. Yes, Malawi,is one of the poorest countries in the world, I don't look at myself as poor, but I know I have worked with kids from families that live below the poverty line in Malawi. Camden, a city that is deemed poor, and has the highest crime rate in the States is where I live and work with kids. Am trying to share my experience in working with my poor Malawian kids, and poor American kids.

Firstly, I love all my kids, Malawian and American. However, my American kids have made me search my life and see if am really passionate about what I do and my love for God. My Malawian kids are easy, awesome, have needs, coming from broken homes, but disciplined, they choose their words right, does not matter who you are or where you are coming from, if they don't like you, they will not say it in your face(not all of them but a very good majority). My American ones are the opposite way, they have similar needs as my Malawian ones but they are not that disciplined (I hate to say it like that but am also not talking about all of them, just a good majority). I have come to find out its easier for me to handle a 100 Malawian kids than 30 Camden-American ones. (Remember this is just my experience, I know different people have different experiences and am not the first or last to have this kind of experience , so please don't judge me, but am being honest anyway, this is me.)

When I first met the kids I would be working with, I nearly cried. I was having a headache everyday of the week and I didn't look forward to meeting them at all. I wish there was a way around it but there wasn't so I had to adapt. I taught myself to focus on the positives, so, I focused on atleast that one kid who isn't trouble, does what he is told and has respect. Later, I knew if amidst all the craziness, I can find one or two who are awesome, then the rest had the capability to be awesome too. I took it a step further, I prayed for them, everyday, I would pray and mention their names. God answered my prayers, I prayed that I should not judge them, but love them, understand them, I prayed and prayed and I never knew I could love so much like I do now. I ofcourse still pray for them.

With My American kids, I have learnt not to believe what I hear always but search deep. They say they don't care almost on everything, and I have learnt that they actually say it because they care. They call me ugly, and I have learnt to hold my tongue even when I want to throw it back but come next day, smile, hug and help them. The more I discipline them, the more they hate me, the more they say it and the more I hurt, and the more I conquer the hurt and love them more. Maybe its their defense mechanism, or maybe its because thats all they see and hear from their families and friends, but for some, they know how to act, and they choose not to and it bugs me, but I gotta love them like Jesus does.

Now you may be wondering what I am doing here. This is a city thats labelled with all sorts of negatives, unless you have been here you wouldnt fully comprehend. For real its a sorry sight. When we talk about brokenness these kids are born in that, and they grow in there with no hope of ever getting out. I know there is hope for them, there is abright future, if they choose right, if they are helped to see the possibilities and opportunities they have. These kids can change Camden. One day I was praying and God gave me Matthew 19:14 "Jesus said, let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." It was then that I fully dropped my defences and realised what I was doing here. I will not let my insecurities and fear hinder these kids from seeing and experiencing the love of God. If God touches and transforms the life of just one Kid in Camden through me, then my journey to America wasn't in vain.

IS IT JUST ME?

Happy New Year.
I don't know about you but as much as I wanted my year to begin stress free and perfect, the opposite became true, yet here I am smiling because the good shepherd is shepherding me. The more the years go, the more I grow and the more I get to know me more. The more Knowledge I gather on myself, the more amazed I am on what I do, and to what extent I can go in doing stuff and getting what I want. With every extra mile I go, every tear I drop, every good or bad word I let out of my mouth; with every smile, every heartache and every skipped heartbeat, with every thought, success or failure, when I press on or give up, when I am sad or happy., In all my days, I realize there is something more, something great, something real, something I can't describe, I can't comprehend but consumes me.

I have been thinking, writing and wishing a lot lately. I plan alot and by now I know most of the things I plan don't happen that way because God does them His way, which I love and am learning to delight in Him more so that I plan inline with His will.( "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails", Provebs 19:21). I imagine stuff and tell myself they can only happen in my mind, I call it my fantasy world, yet God says, "Nothing is impossible with Him". Through others, through Scripture, God speaks to me, but you know what I do, when I hear Him? (Genesis 18:12. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"). When God tells me it will come to pass, deep down I feel like laughing like Sarah did, yet I cry. Maybe its because am shocked He was really listening and reading, but more so because I want it to be real so much in my life but it feels fake.

Hidden deep within my heart is a heavy longing for that perfect moment, perfect person, perfect love, perfect food, perfect family, yet, the world around me keeps telling me nothing is perfect. I believe in perfection, maybe its because He calls us to perfection. Mathew 5:48, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect". I John 4:18, "There is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear..," I believe in perfect love, I have tasted it in Jesus. I believe that when things happen in Gods appointed time, they happen perfectly, even when I can't see it all then. "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end," Ecclesiastes 3:11.

This is a year of new begginings, I have heard alot of people say it, and I have heard that at almost the beginning of every year. You can make every year, every month, week,day, hour, minute, second, of new beginnings. I will say be open to possibilites, don't hold back, don't give up. Have your arms wide open to receive whatever a loving father brings. Might not be what you expect, might be better or worse, but a loving father is in control, and He sees it fit to present you with that.As for me, am ready for my new begginings in whichever form they present themselves because through it all I will trust in God, and we will be in it together. I wish you blessings, love and peace plus a growing relationship with our redeemer, savior and friend Jesus Christ in this New Year. Blessed 2013