RE-PROMISING MY PROMISE

I was talking to this young man last night and trust me, I hadn’t planned this, but somehow I started blurting out my frustrations. I told him how I sometimes hate my life, how I feel closed off from the real world, how I have lost friends since I came to live here, how much I miss fellowship, feel like I don’t belong, how I hate my house especially now that it’s raining and it leaks, how I don’t understand why God chose this for me instead of something different and a whole lot of complaints.

This young man said to me, “Calm down,” and he repeated smoothly again “calm down V”. Through him, I felt God talk to me and calm my spirits. He went on to encourage me, “God never sleeps, He is watching over you always. Speak to God, always. When you are building a house, foundations differ depending on the type of house you are building-same way, what God is doing with you, and where He is leading you is different from everyone else’s path , so don't compare your life to others. God has placed you there for a reason, you are making an impact and you are the best person to be doing what you are doing. You might not be there forever but at this moment those girls need you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, You will never know the people you inspire and the impact your faith has. Someone is encouraged by the path you have taken in your life...”

We went back and forth, and as I listened to him speak, I felt tears run down my face and I went into deep thought. The time I decided to finally stop running and answer my call to come here, it was out of conviction that this was my calling in life. Truth is, I know am supposed to be here and I love being here but sometimes I lose it. There are days when I feel lost, days when I doubt my calling. Days when I condemn myself for my imperfections, and days I wonder if people know my life is not perfect.

As I went on in my deep thought, I realized am thankful to God for who He is and for choosing me. He prepared me and He reminds me often it is not rosy but He will never leave nor forsake me. I accepted again my calling, and I closed my eyes to speak with God. One thing I know is God is never going to suffer for my disobedience. If I don’t do what He wants me to do, He will raise someone or even something else to do it.  As I leave 2014 going into 15, I choose to trust this God who I cannot control. I am willing to walk with this God whose ways are so different. I choose to lean on this God who makes impossible demands and promises me His presence. So, Let your will be done Lord.

A TALE OF A CRIPPLING RELIGION

I was out visiting my girls' over the Easter break. Upon arriving at a particular home, I was welcomed by 5 little girls playing . They laid a mat outside where we sat, talked and joked. Being a person who is so interested in girls affairs, I started asking questions.
Turning to the seemingly older girl on the group, I asked, "Where do you go to school?"
"I don't." She responded
"I don't either." the other little girl said before I even asked.
I then asked how old they were, and the older girl said 11 and the younger said 9. Surprised I asked, "Why don't you go to school?"
The older girl whose name is Veronica said, "The bible says so."
I was like...now wait-a-minute, "What? Where?"
" We don't know where, but our church pastor says so, and whatever he says, we believe and do."
I kept quiet, looked at them, thought hard and thought deep.
I said, " let's take a picture." Veronica left us and went in the house while the rest posed for the picture and I thought maybe she disliked the idea. However, she came out of the house putting on a much cleaner and better skirt than she had put on previously which looked as ragged as the last one to me.
Where is their life going? a question that kept ringing in my head.
"so, what do you do at home?"
"Play, cook , go to the garden." they replied
"what's next in your life then?" I asked
"marriage." they said
An 11 and 8 years old who are waiting for marriage, as we fight against early marriages, yet they confidently say, " God created women to take care of the home, get married, have children and take care of your husband and children."
"Do you believe this?" I asked
"We do." they responded cheerfully.
I am barely at a loss of words but this time I was.
Kids who have been convinced beyond reasonable doubt that life is what they are doing. They do not know or want to acknowledge that they were created for more. A religion, that is barring girls from being educated, members of its religion from taking part in politics, and even restricting girls on practicing most of their rights (e.g freedom of expression, dressing).
Just besides them was a 4 years old girl named Hope, whose future is as blurred as the rest.
Imagine your child being born just for housekeeping and marriage. More importantly because of a belief in a higher power, who created things to be like that. Really? Really?
What good is religion then if it cripples you?
Malawi, a country that favours literate persons.
Anyway, the family has 5 children. 4 girls and a boy. The older girl is 15 years old and we have managed to secure her a school place and provide her needs. She is in grade 8, and Yes, after talking with her parents(father in particular because the mother has no say), He disagreed and fought with us, till he sort of disowned the girl and now has nothing to do with her. 11 years old Veronica dropped out of Grade 3 while 8 years old Fatsani, went  up to just 1 week of Grade 1. Hope (5), however, may never go to school ever.

Us

                                                         Veronica and Fatsani

                                                                                Hope

                                                                              Fun

THE ADAM-EVE EFFECT (a ladies version)

Like Every girl or maybe a majority of them I YEARN. Yearn for a beauty undefined, yearn for recognition. I want to be noticed, I want to be appreciated, i want to be LOVED, i want to TURN HEADS, I want to leave WHISPERS, QUESTIONS, I want to ATTRACT, BELONG, and be HELD ON TO. I want the Adam-Eve reaction.
Sometimes when I sit and think, I reminisce of the first day Adam saw Eve, the very first time.  You know how you are when you wake up to a SURPRISE*****
Anyway, I think Adam opened his eyes from that deep sleep and there in front of him was some new creature. Adam knew everything God had created, I know this because God brought these creatures to Adam to name, so he knew what was standing in front of him was different, IT SURPASSED THEM ALL.
Adam must have thought, " what is this beautifully unique thing in front of me?"
I think for a moment Adams heart skipped a bit and he forgot God was watching or maybe he just didn't care.
Then it dawned on him, God had brought him all the other creatures to name, most certainly, this new creation was God's design as well.
Lifting his gaze from this strange creature, he looked up to God and said, "what game are you playing with my heart, which one is this one?" with a silent plea, he asked God, "why am i so drawn to this one, why is my heart beating this much... why is my breath being stuck, why...why...why?"
And God smiled and lovingly said, " My dear Adam, I saw your loneliness, when you didn't see it, I decided not to deprive you the Joys of relationships-companionship. So I made you sleep, and from your rib created her."
Adam asked, "yo..youuu, made her from my rib? aha! now it makes sense, 'she is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I shall call her woman for she came out of me---of man."
I WANT THE EVE EFFECT
lol-anyways.
That's just me daydreaming. But ladies.,
I know without a doubt, we were created to shine, to make Adam's heart skip a beat. To make Adam say "she is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh." To be recognized, appreciated, loved. So yes! while we bathe ourselves, clothe ourselves MODESTLY, speak truthfully, put on a little make up, jewelry to complement our natural look, we should NEVER forget the one who looked at Adam and said without her ( you and me), Adam(man) will be miserable." God saw how we are needed to make the world a better place first, He is also the one who can satisfy us and teach us how to love Adam best. He is also the one who has the power to take us to our Adam, the right Adam, and say, "while you were asleep, I made you this" and Adam will look at us and say, 'what?", but more importantly Adam will turn to God and say " thank you Lord, you really know what I need."

TELLINA

This is the story of  a 17 year old girl who is my latest addition to VoicesAwake. I share these stories because, a lot of times as people we forget to be thankful for the places we are in, and what God is doing to us, in us or through us. A lot of times we do not remember there are other people who are really less fortunate than we are. Sometimes we magnify our struggles which would not really kill us, or could be easily sorted by maybe a little patience and trust in "Be still, and know that I am God". And sometimes we forget to reach out and touch with the little that God has blessed us with. We are blessed to bless. I share these stories because, am a girl such as these, i have been affected, and been touched, am being healed, and i want you to know sometimes what we show outside, is not really a reflection of the struggle inside, we are just trying to blend in. 

TELLINA

Story of my life,

He died first-my father

My mother followed

Leaving me and my brothers

They left me well covered,

Just never knew how they did it,

But it’s all gone, am left being scorched in the sun

Now my brother’s keeper,

Though older than I am,

They have turned me into a mother,

Or maybe less, because with every mistake I make,

I get a beating like the abused wife,

Yes! Not a mother, but the unwanted wife.

Last night he came,

Smelling, the foul stench of alcohol,

Kachaso-The locally brewed one, the one that kills,

Knock, knock, knock,

“Open the door fool,”

 You know how it sounds,

Or rather, how the words come out, the drunk words,

“Where is my food?” He asked

“But you didn’t leave me with any money to buy food,”

Sleepy but teary eyed I answered.

Slap, Kick---- “you are stupid”

Again am down on my knees, crying for mercy as I get the beating,

“I..i..i…i a m sorry.” amidst sobs my apology comes out.

I want to follow mama, that’s my thought.,

My life now

No school fees equals no school for me.

My new fate is marriage.

 I know though, if my brothers do this,

Then my husband will do more.

I don’t want to go.

Knock Knock, 

Lord, please, not today again,

Prayer answered indeed, not today but it’s worse,

My other brother is no more.

Really Lord?

Now it’s me and him, the one who cares less,

The one who is prone to killing me any minute now.

My life now.

I have gotten used to tears,

With no radio in here, my familiar sounds are my sobs,

I want out, but am surrounded by darkness,

Somebody hear my sobs, and get me out.

Tellina Paul (17)

I share these stories, to show the brokenness that Jesus is mending. The sicknesses that Jesus is healing. The slaves who Jesus is Freeing and most importantly, the calling which He has placed on us to be His hands and feet  in this restoration work. What is your calling?