And then I said, "However, I look at where I am coming from and who I turned out to be. I see every moment I was made to believe I am a curse turning into a blessing. I trust God so much and I believe it is only Him who can turn a curse into a blessing.., and that is why I call my story The Blessed Curse, and I know I am blessed to bless others." I saw the audience stand and clap, I have only seen it happen when the best speech is given or an unbelievable music perfomance on Idols or X-factor and I never thought it could happen to me. I write but am not the best writer, I sing in the shower, but there is nothing special about my voice, am not athletic or anything, am just an ordinary being with a strong passion for God and that even makes me awkward in this age when people don't want to be identified as Christians. As i watched these important people cry in the audience when i was sharing and then give me a standing ovation, I experienced different feelings. I was torn between being proud and giving God the glory, knowing before I testified to these people I had told God to use me however way He wanted to.
All this was happening in one of the big churches I have ever been to since I came to America. So, I spent the whole of last week in Florida. I loved the beautiful weather, it felt like Malawi, and I loved the people, they were so hospitable. I loved the fierceness and greatness of Gods creation, I was struck by how rich in nature this state is. It was springbreak aswell, so there were young people from different states, and I have never seen so many young people at one place, doing only God knows what. It was here lying on a beach, talking and letting God talk to me, that it started to make sense.
When I was a kid, I would watch movies and fantasise me being at that place (lie on that beach, sleep in a condo, have a beautiful view of Gods creation, speak in front of people) but then, that voice deep within could tell me to stop dreaming, all I will ever know is Malawi. You know what, I proved that voice wrong, I know more than Malawi. My dream came true, and what I want to say is, don't stop dreaming. Wish, dream, maybe its God putting that desire in you (who knows) after all He knows the plans He has for your life, dream,dream, dream, dreaming never killed anyone, when your dream comes to pass, you know it wasn't you, it was Gods doing because all you were able to do was dream and He has the power to make it come to pass.
I also remembered bits and details of when I started desiring to share the gospel all over the world. That loud voice told me to just be content with Malawi. I never thought of staying away from Malawi, I just wanted a chance to share God with people all over the world, and thats what I have been doing half this year and plan to do untill I come back home. It has been scary how God was preparing me for a time such as this and I never knew it. God has given me a story and the ability to tell it. Alot of people felt connected to me because of my story, a lot of people saw and felt the love of God through my story. God used the very thing that I hated about me(my lifestory) to bring people to the realisation of who He is. I can go through everything i have gone through in life again, the moments I felt hurt, depressed, condemned, imprisoned, the moments i messed up, was swallowed by guilt, felt ashamed of myself e.t.c, for all those moments have made me, ME. The Me God is using and the Me who has found freedom and belonging in God. The Me who is comfortable sharing the story of Jesus Christ, humbling himself and coming to earth as human, experiencing everything I experience and even more but not succumbing to worldly pleasures, and then being killed(sacrificing his life) a death that was meant for me, and then resurrected (defeating it all) and offering me eternal life,if I just believe in Him.
One of my favorite Malawian Pastors, Ps. Sean Kampondeni, in 2011 said, "Tell stories that show why Jesus means so much to you, because they are what matter most. And he said, to tell your story, overcome, what you have to hide(the most important thing about us is what the story of Christ is doing to us especially in our most hidden stories), what you have to fear(sometimes telling your story is dangerous for you might destroy your reputation, relationships, but do not fear those who can destroy your body) and what you have to lose (you disown something when you have something valuable to hold on to. Owning Jesus means disowning something else.
