POVERTY'S CURSE: BRENDA'S CASE

 

“I asked you here to help me take care of this child, not get educated.” These are words that are now stuck in my mind as I have heard them repeatedly form the woman I call mother.

My name is Brenda, I was born in 1995. We are 6 in my family, 4 boys and 2 girls, and I am the first born. My father is a tailor while my mother is a stay at home mum who sells firewood sometimes. I am currently doing my form 3 for the second time, and I would love to go to university for in my family there is no one who has reached that far with education.

During my primary school years I did pretty well in class, I was working hard and I used to get good grades. There was a rich family close to my home, who had their eldest daughter impregnated by a married man. This girl died in childbirth but her baby was saved and after a few days, the girl’s mother asked my parents if they could have me living with them so that I help take care of the newborn baby and they help take care of my basic needs. My parents gave me over to this family when I was in standard 8.

My grades started spiraling down due to the huge workload at my new home. I failed my national examinations. Rise Malawi took me and I started my secondary education there. I was doing very well in my form 1 but as I went into form 2 things changed. This was because whenever I tried to study at home after school, they would ask me to stop because it was not time for study but at night. During the night, I would fail to study because I was tired from all the work done in the afternoon. The family has businesses and farms but even though they promised to provide for my basic needs, after sales they would buy clothes for all their children except me. On weekends, I would wash everybody’s clothes, I could start from 6 AM to 6 PM, my rest would be sleep and I could fail to wake up for studies.

This year, I am repeating classes because my grades have been so bad. They kept telling me, they brought me over to help raise the child not get educated. The child is grown and I am tired of living like this. Even my physical appearance tells am not at peace. I am going back to live with my parents, so that I do well in my education. My family is poor, but through Voices Awake I have learnt that God is my provider and with Him all things are possible.

 

To help sponsor Brenda's education, or providing her basic needs email me on mwangalav@gmail.com or whatsapp/call on +265888191832 for more details.

ASPIRE TO INSPIRE

So many times I have said, you do not need to have a lot, in order to make a difference. Sometimes all you need is you, there is a part of you that somebody desires, somebody wishes for. Sometimes it is your experiences in life, maybe you went through what you did to help someone. I have grown to believe in the potential Malawians have to push other Malawians forward. Recently also, I have come to believe in the potential Malawian youth have to make a difference. Some of us have already started, with nothing, with just us, but already lives have been wildly transformed in all the small ways that mean so much more.

Some months back I had three young ladies who wanted to inspire Voices Awake girls. They came , talked to the girls, did a dress drive and dressed the girls up, it was amazing. Today, we were sharing stories on how our lives have changed since Voices Awake started. Surprisingly most of the girls shared how their lives have been transformed through interactions with people who came in to inspire them. One girl in particular shared this story:

It was a Voices Awake “Doll me up” event.  It was an event created by 3 Malawian young ladies, the masterminds of LOVING ARMS MALAWI. These ladies came to inspire us and dress us up. On this day, one particular 23 year old shared her story. She shared how her mother died when she was a few months old and her experiences in life as a Malawian girl. She said, “Despite the hardships I faced due to growing up without a mother and being raised by different people, I decided to work hard in school, I am now done with my education, I am working, I am able to provide for myself and other people.

Her story spoke to my heart. My mother and father separated when I was in grade 6. My mother left and we are being raised by my father who has no job, he barely raises money to support my siblings and I, the eldest two got married. It’s now my brother and I still in school, with support from well-wishers. I am 14 years old, the only girl at home, it was my mother who did all the household chores, but since she left I became the woman of the house. All her duties became mine. As a result, my performance in class went down.

I was invited to Voices Awake, by some of my friends who were a part of the program, and that is how I met these ladies. After I heard the story, I thought to myself- “I don’t live with my mum, but she is still alive. Why am I having low self-esteem? “I told myself I will not pity myself anymore, but I will rise.

My attitude towards school changed immediately. My performance in class improved, I work hard in science subjects especially Mathematics even though my peers say Girls do not do well in science subjects. I close my ears and work hard. I know where I want to be, and who I want to be like, so I continue working hard in class.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Her name is Maggie, she has passed her Primary School leaving certificate Examinations with flying colours. She was selected to a government secondary school. She still needs support in her school fees, in case you want to sponsor her, email me at mwangalav@gmail.com ,or call on +265888191832

 

EARLY MARRIAGE TALES: THE STORY OF CHIFUNDO

TUESDAY, AUGUST 18

“Mariam came; she was crying, said her sister has been missing since last night.” Ethel came telling me. I pushed it aside and was like big girls don’t go missing, she is either sleeping over at a friend, she just didn’t tell her mother.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19

The next day in the morning I met Mariam, still crying and I just said, tell you mother to report this to the police. Later that evening, I was called by the mother and she told me that the police guys had told her to keep searching and when she finds her report again to them, or go back after five days of her not showing up.

She then said, “I am hearing rumors that she is married and now I need your help.”

ME

I am the one to give instructions on how to get a girl from the marriage home, not do the work. I am the one to inspire, and not the one to fight a community. I am the one to watch and pray, not act- when issues are this serious.

This time around though, there was an uneducated, traditional, old widowed mother, who has given her life to have her girls educated, her older sister in grade 11 and ME. I decided we could not base our actions on rumors, we had to find out if she was really at the place they said she was and if she was really married. With fear and anxiety, her sister and I started off following the rumors. We were jumpy since it was dark, everything sounded scary,  the dog barks, frightening squeaks and hisses, shadows lurking around, footsteps of invisible followers but we still made our way investigating and the moon led us to the house.

She just turned 17, in grade 9 and had really gotten married to a 2 times divorced father. The sister stayed back I approached, and I saw the man approach also, and I turned back. I had the assurance I needed, tomorrow, we would act.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 20

I asked her mother to find elder women to accompany her in getting her daughter and do the cultural counselling on her, but no women took up the challenge. It was me and the mother again up to the rescue. As we got closer to the house, the mother bailed on me, told me she couldn’t do it and turned back. Standing there alone, scared, not sure what to say or do, not knowing what to expect and that’s when I prayed. “If any of you lacks wisdom, should ask from God,” James 1:5. By then the community was awake, and the women and children were following, laughing, gossiping and shouting.  

With a single knock, the girl came out, with fear and shame written all over her face. I asked if she could let me into her house for our privacy and dignity and then we talked. I barely knew the next question to ask. But in there she told me this;

CHIFUNDO’S STORY (this happened in 2 months)

The man was a chairman from the church choir she was a part of. One day after choir he told me he has a story to tell me but he needed to tell my mother first. I led him to my mother since the church is behind our house, but as we neared home he said, he had changed his mind he will just tell me later. The next choir practice he asked me to his place of business (he sells plastic shoes in the market), I said I couldn’t be able to come but he said I just had to, I still did not. The next day he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend and I refused, he pressed on and kept asking me to visit, and then he persisted day after day until I accepted. He asked me not to act shy when we are at choir so that nobody finds out. The only times we talked was during choir practice which is once a week. The next time we met, he told me that he had planned on just taking me forever. I refused and when I asked about my education, he said I will go to school at a later stage. I said I could never marry him, but he said I should wait and see.

He says he came back night after night and whistled so I come out and he takes me to his home, but I couldn’t hear him so he left. I asked why he came at night, he said, he had already told me that he will marry me and I had to wait and see. I went to choir practice on Monday and he asked to meet me at a nearby church, I refused, and left for home. He sent a friend who forced me back to the road he wanted me to go, while there, he followed me and said, this was the day.

He told his friend to take me to the place, I asked what place and he said, I will know it when I get there. I could walk a few steps then turn back , the friend would hold my hand, and force me on, till I finally asked him to let go of me I would follow, but he ignored me and said, I would run away. He held me tight and walked with me. We got to a house that had nobody in; I asked whose house this was, he told me, it is where I will now live. I tried to run away, they would stand on the door, and forced me in. I said I want to go home, they said it’s done, my time is gone, and I can’t go back. I said my mother would be worried, they said my mother was already worried, they are looking for me but all that is water under the bridge.

I stayed, when my husband left, the friend came to make sure I don’t run away. Whenever I thought I might have a chance to run, I thought my mum is disappointed in me already and  would kill me if I went back, so I stayed. And today he has told me to wait, he will come back soon, he will bring me firewood to start a firewood selling business.

US

After a lot of talking and deliberations, I asked if she wanted to stay or leave but she said, she was finished, she had been forced to have sex with the man four times already and she thinks she is pregnant, nobody would want to keep her, so she would rather stay married. I asked if she would let me keep her, she will stay with me, get help and go back to school, she kept quiet for a looong time, before she finally agreed to leave with me. I asked her to go get her belongings and leave with me, which she did, and we used a different road to my house, where she is now.

THE COMMUNITY

Chifundo said, “my mother in law, my primary school teacher, my grandmother and 2 other women came to advise me, they gave me a wrapper and K1000 ($2) and told me that I should stay loyal to my man and that when my parents and anybody else comes to pick me up, I should not open the door”.

These women were the ones telling her mother to let her go and accept that she was married, it was a choice she had made it had to be respected, or she will cause more trouble than the one they were in already.

The rest of the men and women surrounding us are gloating on why we took the girl from the marriage. They are saying, “Mbuzi ikalawa mchere sifuna kusiya-when a goat tastes salt it doesn’t want to stop” like the girl is irredeemable, she has tasted sex and marriage, she will want to go back. We are wasting our time and energy. We are bringing ourselves shame.

THE POLICE

Told us it is not a police case, since she is 17 and a consenting adult. We asked how, since the lawmakers have told us marriage age is 18, and they said, that was just talk, it’s not a law on paper.

TODAY

Its two weeks now since we got her from the man. She is slowly recovering from the shame and trauma, of being booed, ridiculed, laughed at, she is finally talking, laughing, singing and sharing her story. She is assuring me daily that she will not let me down, and that she doesn’t understand why she did what she did. The community is still talking, I am so certain in the next year or two the community will realize why we did what we did.

Thumbs up to RiseMalawi Ministries, Voices Awake: GirlsEquippedforChange, and all our partners in the work.
First picture taken today., Second picture taken on the day of rescue.

PS: Names I used are not real names.  For more information on sponsoring a girl email me on mwangalav@gmail.com, or whatsapp/call on +265888191832

THE TALE OF A CRIPPLING RELIGION PART 2 (the story of Ethel)

Today I share the story of one who has touched my life in ways only God understands but she claims the same for me too, so we share a wonderful mutual benefit relationship.  I have shared her story before but now she shares her story briefly, personally. Meet Ethel Matthews and here she goes:

I am 16 years old and born in a family of 6. When I was in grade 8, my father started attending a new church called New Bible Believers. In that church, there were so many rules and one of the rules was, “it is not right for girls to be educated.”  My father upheld the rules and He chose to abide by this rule as well, he told me and my siblings to stop going to school.

When I heard this, I started thinking of my future, that I will be poor, unloved, sufferable and also not self-reliant for the rest of my life. I would also think of all my little sisters and I hated that they would experience the same things I was experiencing then and this did not settle well with me. I am the first girl in my family and I have four other sisters (11, 9, 5, 6 months old). In my heart I knew I had to set the right pace for my sisters in education and life.

I would cry all the time and nobody really understood the agony I was going through. When my father realized I continued going to school behind his back, he became very angry and he shouted at me, beat me and chased me out of his house. Every time he chased me out, I would sleep in a tree on an empty stomach. I continued to go to school in hiding until I wrote my national examinations. Over the holidays he restricted me from visiting and chatting with anyone who was not from our church. I had trouble keeping up with this.  Every time he found me hanging out with someone who wasn’t from our church; he would whip me and make me sleep outside the house.

One day he saw me talking to a girl who had put on pants and this day he told me, he never wants to see me in his home again. I went to aunt Ketties house (another lady who has helped me a lot), when the sun had set, I decided to go back home to apologize. If I had known, I wouldn’t have gone there, he chased me with stones, and I even have the scars to show. I slept out and people started advising me to just succumb to my dad’s pressure but one person said I should not.

Aunt Vanessa, I had met her earlier on when she wanted to start Voices Awake, I had sat for my primary leaving examinations once, had not done well and people had given up on me (especially because my father never listened to anybody and everybody who tried to help me would be insulted by him) but she helped me go back to school and re-sit for the exam.  Whenever I was going through this with my father, she would advise me to fight on and she was there to fight with me. This time around it was worse and people said I should just go live at my home village but Aunt Va said I could stay with her until the exam results came out.

We went to the police station, to the village head men but they didn’t help my situation. I was also afraid that if my father was put into prison, no one would be there to take care of my siblings. My father insisted that if I choose school then I should leave my home, and that I am no longer his daughter, and so because I wanted education I left home. Aunt Vanessa took me in as we waited for the examinations results.  When the results came out I had passed and she encouraged me to go to a boarding school since I had no home and I stayed with her on holidays. The other year the school raised tuition and boarding fees and I couldn’t go back to boarding school, I had to change schools and Aunt Vanessa said I could stay with her and continue my education. Now I am done with Form 1, going into form 2, I am learning at Rise Malawi Secondary school.  If it wasn’t for Rise Malawi, My high school sponsors and Voices Awake, I would have been Married and having children right now. Thank you Aunt Vanessa because my life is changing little by little.

Me: Tell me what it is like to live in poverty?

Ethel: My family is really poor, the things we lacked, or rather I lacked are, clothes, blankets, shoes, soap, lotion and food, highlight FOOD. I lacked positive thinking and high self-esteem (you don’t see anyway your life could be transformed when in poverty). Some people discriminate against you because nobody wants to be identified with you. At school, you go to school without breakfast and you have no lunch money, you always beg or rely on your friends but peers want a give and take relationship. When you bath, it is without soap and no lotion, your body is dry and nobody wants to be seen with you. I could eat anything I get my hands on even if it is rotten, you don’t have a choice, you just need food. You drink any water even if it is dirty and you lack cleanliness of the body.

Me: what is your highlight since we started living together?

Ethel: haha… (Laughs), Aunt , don’t laugh, promise

Me: (smiles) - I won’t promise

Ethel: mmhhh, a lot, a lot like

1. I had never eaten fried food; we never used to have cooking oil

2. I didn’t ride cars, but when you came you started taking me places like the college graduation- now I want to be a university graduate

3. I had one under wear now I have more

4. I had 2 skirts and 3 blouses, no shoes now I have more

5. A lot of times I had one meal a day or stayed days without eating because we had no food, now I eat to my stomachs content ..,haha

6. I used to bath without soap and no body lotion but now these things are provided

7. I could cover myself with a chitenje( wrapper usually 2 meters long, used for carrying babies, and for modesty in women and making clothes) when it was bed time, now I have a blanket and bed sheets

8. I didn’t know how to read, understand, and relate to the bible , now I do.

9. I used to sleep on a sack, the 50kg ones we use to store maize, now I sleep on a bed

10. I didn’t know how to switch on electrical appliances, switch on lights, or sockets , now I do, I thought a cooker was a television the first day I came  into your house (laughs again)

11. I had never eaten a cake, now I can’t even count the many times., eish it’s a lot , can I stop there?

Me: sure, what is the biggest lesson you have learnt since we started living together?

Ethel: To love God, love myself and love people. I have accepted where I am at and I know I can be more than this. You encourage me to dream even if it seems unreal

Me: OK, can I share what you have told me with my friends and the world?

Ethel: Yes, I have learnt to share my story, because when I share I get helped and I help others, haha and also… something at the back of my mind is telling me not to say this

Me: Say it, I want to hear it

Ethel: I need people to continue helping me with my school and daily needs, but also most times I think.. maybe you will get married, and leave this place, and then I will have no one to live with, imagine if you get married next year, will you still live with me?

Me: (silently turns back and walk into the house)

Ethel: Stop, say something

Me: (laughs).., but you are the one who tells me to get married that I am ripe for marriage., haha.,
 (I laugh again and go to my room to write all this down, and put it on this blog, so that you read it and choose to sponsor a girl or the work of Voices Awake.
For more of Voices Awake like our Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/VoicesAwakegirlsEquippedForChange or email mwangalav@gmail.com)

 

 

MY FATHER'S DEATH, MY FUTURE'S DEATH

I was in the staff room when one girl came knocking.  "Rabecca is Crying", she said. I delegated a fellow female teacher to go check on that one as I had just finished dealing with another crying girl. Eventually, I was called out, and as I asked Rabecca what the problem was, she said,

 "My mum did some piece work, and she got K500 ($1). She brought the money home but could not find it later on. She got angry thinking my sister and I stole it, we looked for it and cleared out our house but we could not find it. We have no food at home, we have not paid our house rent, nothing is working at home. I was thinking about all this in class, and started feeling sorry for myself and that's why I started crying."

Rabecca tell me your story, was all I said

"It was a morning like any other, I went to school, my mum went to the garden and my father went to work. My father's boss called my younger sister who was passing nearby late that afternoon and told her to follow my mother at the garden and tell her that my father had died. My mother was very confused, nobody in my house knew that my father was sick. My father had kept his illness from all of us. This day he had gone to work as usual and while there he started coughing and vomiting blood. A colleague saw him and went to report to the office. He was taken to the hospital and pronounced dead on arrival. That was on 21st December 2010, He was laid to rest on the 22nd. This was the day we laid to rest our comfort and wealth also. 

Since then it has been hard for my mother to find food, pay house rent or pay for our school fees. We are Four in my family. The first two dropped out of school due to lack of School fees. I am 17 and in form 3, and my younger sister is 15 and in Form 1. We have gone through school at the mercy of sponsors. My sister and I are sad, we will never experience the love of our father again. "

Rabecca's community name is Mau Msamatha, meaning keep your words few. She lives with her illiterate mother, who depends on small jobs to feed her house hold which barely suffice. She decided not to leave for her village for fear of getting her girls married off. She stays around Madisi so that she does some piece work and seek help for her girls education.

Rabecca is a bubble of joy.  She greets you when you reach the place and she leaves your mind last. She lacks a lot, she needs inspiration, modelling and love. She also needs school fees for if she doesn't get educated her only visible option is marriage. 

To sponsor Rabecca or her sister Sarah, send an email to mwangalav@gmail.com and I will walk with you through the simple process. 

You can also visit Voices Awake or help the work of Voices Awake.

For more information on Voices Awake: check out and like our facebook page https://www.facebook.com/VoicesAwakegirlsEquippedForChange