BLESSED CURSE

Once i heard a wise man of God say, "only God can squezze a curse into a blessing." I love that quote because it is so true with my life. From birth untill now, it rings true daily in my life. I was born while my mum was still in school. My mum is an amazing woman trust me, and I wanna be like her to my children, she is so strong and she loves me to death. The world views a child born out of wedlock as an accident, to my parents I was a reminder of a mistake. A past they would love to forget, maybe if not for me they couldn't have been where they are now and for most of my growing up in my family, I felt this weigh me down. I had to prove myself to being the best, I had to fight for approval and appreciation and attention. Show me a child who doesn't want this. My mother, wanted to protect me from repeating the same mistakes she did but the methods she used left me broken more, it's only God who can teach a woman to be a mother. On the other hand, I was a trophy child to my dad, I had to constantly do well in everything so that he shows me off. I never reached his expectations most of the times because I am not perfect, I am human. My imperfections would drive him crazy enough to do anything or say anything that would push me more. My life was pressured.

I searched for love and fulfilment from wherever I could. I thought everyone was better than me and all the times, everyday my life was lived to prove the point that I can be more. I will be the child my parents would love, I will do well in school, I will make them proud, I will not mess up. The truth is a child should be a child. Discipline them alright, but set them free. Give them space to make their own mistakes, somebody said we learn through mistakes. As i grew, it never got easy because I became more sensitive to my surrounding. I knew my family was not like all other families, there was something wrong with mine, and I started asking God why He had chosen to place me there.

I guess because God has set eternity in our hearts, I knew there was something greater God had created me for. I longed for the perfect life and when I heard about heaven and hell, I knew I wanted heaven, I have had a taste of hell, in my earthly life anyway. God just has a way of working in our hearts because growing up I had every reason to go out and search for fulfilment else where but He protected me. My family had affected my way of reasoning , I had experienced unhealthy situations as a kid, I acted strong outside but was hopeless inside.

When I heard the gospel, I knew the time had come for me to stop living my life to please people. The moment I met Jesus, my life literary took a turn. The definition of my life changed, I suddenly had a reason for living. When God has your heart, He has it all. He built my self esteem, He told me, " Iam fearfully and wonderfully made". He reminds me every morning that I am beautiful but my outside beauty is less charming than my inside, because my outside will fade but my inside will live forever. Yes I mess up but nothing i do, could ever make Him love me less. My family is still at it, but am hopeful, God will restore it in His own perfect time. My mum is still the best, she rocks my world and she just got to know Christ and it doesn't get better than that. My dad, I haven't said alot about my dad, I know, I hate focusing on negatives thats why. I love and respect Him because He is my father, but I will surely say more when I get deep with this. Ofcourse the other reason is that this is about me and not about the rest of my family.

My point is, when I was born and I had destroyed the plans my mum and dad had for their future, I surely was a curse, but if you look at me now, am a blessing to my family. I love where God is taking me, and the work He is doing in my life. Living a life to glorify God is fulfilling than fighting to be accepted by people, family or friends. He loves us for who He is and not what we are, His love is so true and scandalous free. He gives His love to everyone and its up to you to choose it or deny it. He accepts you the way you are, it doesn't matter where you are coming from, family, location, background, race, tribe, religious beliefs or whatever you might think of . I am not less than , I am more than. Another wise man of God told me that, "you either choose to transmit your pain or transform your pain". I got my calling from my situations, my pain and I know God has something for you from the situation you are in. He placed you where you are for a reason. You have probably heard this for a long time, maybe it is now time you believed it and asked God to reveal the purpose He has for you. There is hope and there is a future. God is found everywhere, even in the brokenness of the world.